Molly Hawkins // snikwaH ylloM

Life hit me like a freight train and its already been a month and a half since i got back from Korea. Its hard to believe it sometimes. Its crazy to think that i was in this magical place where life as i know it all started for me…. but its even crazier because i discovered that life isn’t at all what i thought it was, and im talking about both how the Korean people live, as well the experience really opened my eyes to the way that I look at life, love, family and some of the values that i idealized prior to visiting Korea. There was so much that i experienced in a condensed trip and i hardly even got the opportunity to really internalize and digest all of the discoveries and emotions in the context of my “real life” back here in the US.

If i broke down the different chapters in a non-linear fashion i would break it down to a series of themes and discoveries:

• Tradition/History
• Family Units
• The Larger Community
• Technology and disconnectedness
• People as “seasons” in a larger cycle
• Contentment & Expectations

Those are some of the reoccurring themes and thoughts that i pondered while i wandered across the Korean countryside throughout the months of September and October.  Ill probably blog more specifically around some of these ideas before i lose it, but ive really been trying to nail some overarching theme.  Everything all traces back to this idea of connectedness or belonging that i feel i got a little bit of closure around while visiting Korea and i really think that its all thanks to the people who i met  and the people who helped me along the way. Whether i was gaining a new perspective on how others live their lives, or they were giving me tours around their city, or sharing their food and their family with me, it was such a gift that i can only dream of paying forward in this lifetime.

As i’ve told many of you, though i have yet to find my mother, i truly found so much more than i could have ever dreamed of out there in Korea.  And again, it wasn’t just Korea itself, it was so much more.  The timing, the people, my childhood connection, where im at in life, and the people and things in my life back home all played a huge role in my personal discoveries.  So the question remains, do i still feel alone in this world, are there still questions and voids looming? I mean, that is why i went out there, to answer some questions and to get closure around my adoption.  The funny thing though is that upon departure from the US to Korea, i still didn’t even know what the questions were.  Ok, ok, do i still feel alone in this world, are there still questions?  Fewer, and a little less every day, and with each day the world gets a little smaller and i find comfort in knowing that i am supposed to be exactly where i am at right now…and in this moment find comfort in knowing that i chose it. …something that not everyone has the luxury to say. Knowing that alone is like being wrapped in a big hug and a warm snuggy.

Im still waiting for my big day to get called up for a webcam appearance on the Korean TV Show to give a big shout out to the entire South Korean civilization, ill keep you posted when that happens, i think its supposed to be early December!  Until then, ill try to fire up some more long winded rants and emotional vomitting… it is actually pretty theraputic for me.

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