Molly Hawkins // snikwaH ylloM

Its been an incredible year. No wait, that hardly sums it up.  This year has been a constant onslaught of highs, very few (but necessary) lows, and an immeasurable amount of good times and personal discoveries.

If i could sum up the year with single words, hmmmm? Lucky for one. I feel so lucky to have my health to appreciate the most precious things that life has to offer and to take on the challenges that are thrown my way.   Thankful can hardly express my gratitude to so many individuals for the kindness that they have shown me in 2009 and leading up to it…thank you, you know who you are.  It was definitely a year of a ton of firsts, that’s for sure.  I tasted new things and explored so many new places! Lastly ive felt so much LOVE, and i feel like i have had so much to give back… its an amazing feeling that sends chills from the tips of my fingers, down my spine and back up through my follicles! Im not even kidding! I really started to experience this leading up to leaving  for Korea, while i was in Korea and even since returning.

• January – Vegas for SIA
• March/April: evoTrip to Bali & Japan! I was sent to film and shoot photos for the pilot trip for our newest addition to the evo family.
• April:  Telus World Ski and Snowboard Festival & Whistler shenanigans.
• May: Move into NEW place w/ Angie, and all kinds of urban adventures.
• June:  June was, well, it was June. Nothing super crazy. I got on the water for some wakeboarding, played up in whistler, and just worked a lot.
• July: It got REALLY hot in Seattle and I tried to make the most of the heat! A couple lunch breaks were spent at the diving boards up at Green Lake.  I purchased my ticket to Korea and headed up to Whistler, yet again! Check it out.
• August:  Leavenworth & Wenatchee River Float. Zion National Park/ Shejumps retreat. Korea Prep! Check out August!
• September:  OFF to Korea! Check out the posts but basically i spent 5wks in Korea tracing down my roots and learning about the place where i came from.  I explored the countryside and urban zoo in search of my birth mom, identity and the meaning of life.  Where as i didn’t find my birth mom (yet), i did find the answers to the latter questions and so much more!
• October: final days in Korea & upon return i got dumped into the remainder of the crazy event season at work.
• November:  Hmmm, notables? Bike was stolen, mom and dad came home for Turkey Day, post Korea digestion.
• December:  Bike Returned!  I ran the farthest that ive ever run, 9miles with my friend Ryan! Almost bought a house! Trip to Mt Bachelor. NYE trip to tahoe, first time shredding Tahoe, playing (and winning) at the craps table for the first time!!!!

What next??? 2009 was pretty epic, its going to be hard to top it in 2010.  I guess that will be a challenge for 2010…and i love a good challenge!  Big things on the horizon and i can’t wait to share!!! Thank you to everyone who has touched my life in 2009! For those of you whom i LOVE and hardly get to see, 2010 is our year to rendezvous and i plan to see that through!

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Molly’s KBS “I Miss this person” appearance
I was ridiculously nervous. I had a huge goiter on my lip. The headphones weren’t actually functioning (but looked cool?). My roommate was locked in her room for about an hour during the interview. I pronounced my name wrong, and i hate seeing myself on camera ….but what an amazing opportunity!! Thanks to everyone who helped in getting me here. We will see what happens. At this point its kind of a waiting game, and KBS will screen fraudulent claims made by people trying to pretend to be my family. If they get any serious leads we will do DNA tests!

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Life hit me like a freight train and its already been a month and a half since i got back from Korea. Its hard to believe it sometimes. Its crazy to think that i was in this magical place where life as i know it all started for me…. but its even crazier because i discovered that life isn’t at all what i thought it was, and im talking about both how the Korean people live, as well the experience really opened my eyes to the way that I look at life, love, family and some of the values that i idealized prior to visiting Korea. There was so much that i experienced in a condensed trip and i hardly even got the opportunity to really internalize and digest all of the discoveries and emotions in the context of my “real life” back here in the US.

If i broke down the different chapters in a non-linear fashion i would break it down to a series of themes and discoveries:

• Tradition/History
• Family Units
• The Larger Community
• Technology and disconnectedness
• People as “seasons” in a larger cycle
• Contentment & Expectations

Those are some of the reoccurring themes and thoughts that i pondered while i wandered across the Korean countryside throughout the months of September and October.  Ill probably blog more specifically around some of these ideas before i lose it, but ive really been trying to nail some overarching theme.  Everything all traces back to this idea of connectedness or belonging that i feel i got a little bit of closure around while visiting Korea and i really think that its all thanks to the people who i met  and the people who helped me along the way. Whether i was gaining a new perspective on how others live their lives, or they were giving me tours around their city, or sharing their food and their family with me, it was such a gift that i can only dream of paying forward in this lifetime.

As i’ve told many of you, though i have yet to find my mother, i truly found so much more than i could have ever dreamed of out there in Korea.  And again, it wasn’t just Korea itself, it was so much more.  The timing, the people, my childhood connection, where im at in life, and the people and things in my life back home all played a huge role in my personal discoveries.  So the question remains, do i still feel alone in this world, are there still questions and voids looming? I mean, that is why i went out there, to answer some questions and to get closure around my adoption.  The funny thing though is that upon departure from the US to Korea, i still didn’t even know what the questions were.  Ok, ok, do i still feel alone in this world, are there still questions?  Fewer, and a little less every day, and with each day the world gets a little smaller and i find comfort in knowing that i am supposed to be exactly where i am at right now…and in this moment find comfort in knowing that i chose it. …something that not everyone has the luxury to say. Knowing that alone is like being wrapped in a big hug and a warm snuggy.

Im still waiting for my big day to get called up for a webcam appearance on the Korean TV Show to give a big shout out to the entire South Korean civilization, ill keep you posted when that happens, i think its supposed to be early December!  Until then, ill try to fire up some more long winded rants and emotional vomitting… it is actually pretty theraputic for me.

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Today was my big day to impress the crew at KBS!  I really didn’t think much about my script or what i was going to say in response to their questions regarding my adoption…. i figured my heart would do all the work and it’d roll off my tongue…and that it did.

Meandering towards the studios we stopped the local authorities for a photo op!

I just liked how the fish and Amanda’s shirt worked so well together… thanks so much for holding my hand on this one Amanda, it was great to have some support on the other side of the camera today!!

First thing is first, paperwork!  When we arrived at the KBS studios we met with my volunteer translator Se Il.  Once the writers of the tv show arrived we waited a few more minutes and another adoptee named Daniel showed up as well… it was a group interview, sick!  So Daniel the Norwegian, Korean Adoptee and i filled out our release forms and after one of the writers explained how the afternoon was going to go down, we immediately headed out side for a 20sec video clip that would be used if our stories were accepted for the show.

I got my clip down in 1 take, and stood by as Daniel worked on his 20secs of fame.  This is basically what it was:

Hello, my name is Yoon, Yung Eun.  I am in Korea searching for my birth mother.  I was born on October 24, 1982 in Seoul South korea.  2 days after i was born my mother relinquished all parental rights and put me into care of the City Counseling Office and to Star of the Sea Children’s Home where i’d eventually be adotped to the USA through Holt Adoption Agency.

After the quick takes on camera we sat down again and the main writers for the show interviewed us in detail about our birth family search.  Much of it was basically review of what we kind of both already knew but they also had us provide additional details discovered since landing in Korea.  It was also an opportunity to share a little bit about my upbringing, motivations for the search, and other personal characteristics that might make my presence on the show compelling to their audience (all of korea basically).  There were 2 Korean writers, a English writer and a Producer from KBS all on the other side of the table… very genuine and interested despite im sure having seen i don’t know how many of us Korean Adoptees sitting on the other side of the table with the same ol’ story…. at least thats what i was thinking!

The main interviewer spoke very little English and spoke to my translator in Korean most of the time but i could tell based on her gestures and and infliction in her voice that she was drawn to my story, it was cool to see human connection supercede language barriers!  She dug and dug, asking about feelings and all the mushy stuff, but whats more they were almost more interested in ME… they even kept asking about my tattoos… why tattoos? what do they mean? Then after telling them about the one on my back of my biological Korean name, almost in a frenzy they hopped on the phone and next thing i know we were outside with the filmer again and he was filming the two on my arms and up came my shirt and they shot the one on my back.

They had told me that i would be on the show… i didn’t really hear it at the time, but after the interview and parting ways with the KBS crew my translator reiterated that someone would contact me with details and instructions.

Thanks to everyone who has helped to get me here.  I know i haven’t found my mom (yet), but like i’ve said already, ive found so much more in just being here, learning about Korean culture, building relationships with my people, and through this journey in general… i can’t say thank you enough to everyone who i’ve met along the way….especially you Kyunghee Toni Ma from Holt and Sebastian from G.O.A.L., you guys helped kicked start all of this!

G.O.A.’L has been working together with KBS since 1998 and on a regular basis for the past seven (7) years.  Previously, many adoptees went on the program “Achim Madang (아침 마당)” to search for their families.  Since early 2007, “Achim Madang (아침 마당)” changed its program format, and thereafter, G.O.A.’L has been cooperating with KBS “I Miss that Person” (그 사람이 보고싶다) to provide adoptees with family search assistance.

Next stop, live show on Wednesday October 14, 2009 @ 11am (Korean time).  Ill see if i can get a copy of it or streaming video that i can post! It will be very similar to this one.

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Photo from the NY Times: Jean Chung for The International Herald Tribune

How nuts is this?! Check out the NY Times Article:

SEOUL, South Korea — Four years ago, when she found that she was pregnant by her former boyfriend, Choi Hyong-sook considered abortion. But after she saw the little blip of her baby’s heartbeat on ultrasound images, she could not go through with it.

“My brother said: ‘How can you be so selfish? You can’t do this to our parents,’ ” said Ms. Choi, 37, a hairdresser in Seoul. “But when the adoption agency took my baby away, I felt as if I had thrown him into the trash. It felt as if the earth had stopped turning. I persuaded them to let me reclaim my baby after five days.”

Families whose unmarried daughters become pregnant sometimes move to conceal the pregnancy. Unwed mothers often lie about their marital status for fear they will be evicted by landlords and their children ostracized at school. Only about a quarter of South Koreans are willing to have a close relationship with an unwed mother as a coworker or neighbor, according to a recent survey by the government-financed Korean Women’s Development Institute.

Read more!

Thanks for forwarding this joel!

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Where did I leave you last? Oh yeah, Chuseok (pronounced “chew-sock”), I was talking about how crazy excited I was to be invited to Mr. Park’s Chuseok (family of Aaron’s department head) celebration on Saturday.

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After the Temple Stay @ Lotus Lantern i hopped on a train for a 5hr ride to the coastal city of Busan. I really didn’t know what to expect but its been a different “cultural” experience for sure!

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